WHO'S RANTING.
Friday, November 02, 2007!
RANTED on; 10:56 PM
those who have read elaine's post on not knowing what lies after uni life would understand where i'm heading to in this post. That post got me thinking even more than i had before coupled with other factors of course. Not that i never considered what i was going to do after i leave uni, i just never really penned it down i suppose.All my life, i've been guided by my parents that business is going to be what i'll be doing when i grow up. It got ingrained into me that i really thought that was what my life would be. And then, came university. i experienced the finer things in life through arts camp, my friends around me and the events that occured and then i realise i treasure all these things much much more than trying to fill my resume up just for a possible "future" wealth. taking a mkt1003 in yr1sem1 and tr2202 in yr1sem2 made me realise that i didn't really like what i thought i might be doing nxt time and it worries me. Now, i have no idea what i'm doing majoring in economics and competing with hundreds of brainiacs who are tons better at econs than me and basically wasting me life away. It just seems that no matter how hard i try in studying, no matter how much time i try to put in for the modules, the end is the same. it sucks big time. i know some of you will say being in uni is good enough, and we're already the elites and we shouldnt bother abt our caps but seriously, whats the point of going to university if u're not going to work hard in it? if we can just present proof to our future bosses that we actually got accepted into uni through the acceptance letter without going into uni which implies that we're the elites of singapore, why bother going to uni?which brings me back to my abysmal results. Its not that i care too much about my cap, its more of "how come i study harder than so many people but i still get worse results than them?". its just demoralising and disturbing. Just like what jeremy wrote on his blog (not that i'm close to him or anything, i can't help it if i'm nosey) he said,"Grades and the certificate is one of the main reasons what we are living our lives for now. But its so frustrating to know that sometimes, as much as you try and try, you just cannot control your grades." and "hard work does not necessarily reap rewards". A friend told me that being active in CCAs like being in exco of some club or whatever can help you in your future endeavours and in getting jobs. Yes i know that but sometimes i just feel even though we try to integrate ourselves into some club or whatever activity that is going on, in NUS, its all about connections. If you don't have connections in that club, its actually much harder to integrate into that environment of acceptance and it doesn't help that so many of us are just superficial beings. E.g: Once we form a click of friends in that club, we do not exactly like new members to join us and then we'll start gossipping about why that person suddenly join us." Another incident would be last year, when a group of us wanted to join marketing cell in arts club but after the first meeting, we never went back. why? because the marketing head said he would get in contact with us but he never did. and all of us checked our EMAILS REGULARLY! sheesh. and then we tried helping in sports cell for arts open but some assholes just brushed us aside and didn't bother abt us, saying things like." actually we don't need them la, the referee can just do this this this this alone." LIKE WTF! Connection is like so important in NUS that it is so hard for the rest to join in activities unless they know alot of people. ridiculous really.anyway, that was out-of-point. Another thing my friend told me was how about joining NOC? Its equivalent to getting honours coz u get lost of overseas contacts while working and studying in the overseas college. I considered it really and decided on NO. As i've said, i treasure friendship, family and relationships more than possible future money. because i believe that no matter how much talking and communication you do through CMC (computer mediated communications), there is no way that level of friendship, relationship u have with people will ever be the same. because, most bonding sessions occur over meals, watching the same movies, shopping, activities and being in 2 different c'tries is physically impossible to do those. i've lost too many good/best friends just because they left overseas in my life and i'm not planning on losing anymore. Even if i'm gonna have to live in poverty nxt time, at least i have a good friend to complain to who understands completely without me explaining much. with me giving up on joining some stupid club and what-nots, and not bothering to go for NOC, it just leaves me with my cap. therefore, don't come and tell me that cap is not important because it is to me right now coz its the only thing i've got.demoralised and real sad.
